I recently had the opportunity to sit down with an amazing woman, Lisa. As she shared with me her story of life, her journey with a coach, and her reasons to win in both her professional and personal lives, I related with her in many ways. I am honored to share her story with you.
Lisa’s mountain is built out of her parents’ unhappy marriage, competing for attention with a brother that has a disability and her weight problem. As a child and teenager she learned a series of coping mechanisms to deal with all of this. She used piercings and tattoos as a way to reach out to others that might be more like her. She learned to react with strong and exaggerated emotion to grab attention and gain the focus from her parents when they were engrossed in the issues facing her brother. Lisa also developed what she calls “Fat Girl Syndrome,” where she made sure to be the first to make bad jokes about her weight before anyone else could.
By the age of 26, Lisa’s damage to her health and self-esteem had caused her to stumble as she entered into adulthood. She had a bad haircut, acne, and struggled to keep a job. Looking back, she now sees that she was an awkward, bumbling kid inside of a grownup body. She was depressed and the doctor confirmed that she had a health issue that could cause infertility, unless she took actions toward treatment and weight loss.
It was enough of a wake-up call to get her to at least deal with the obesity. Lisa saw a nutritionist, purged her home of junk food and joined a gym. She lost 60 pounds and, for a moment, thought she had found the cure.
However, removing excess physical baggage didn’t guarantee that all of the emotional baggage left with it. As her package got smaller she had nothing left to hide her insecurities. This realization was further complicated when she realized that looking healthy and slim caused guys to notice her. Lisa had never dated before, and wasn’t sure how to handle all this attention. It was embarrassing to have to learn all of this so much later in life than her peers. In fact, she soon began to realize that there was a lot she hadn’t allowed herself to learn because she had put up so many barriers for the previous 15 years of her life.
Lisa had wandered through the fog of coming into adulthood late, alone and unprepared, (and still struggling professionally), when she found herself in a job that wanted to provide a professional coach for her. She humbly accepted the offer to receive this wonderful gift from her employer. She even went on to hire her coach to work with her on her personal life as well. Now at age 30, Lisa is most grateful to have experienced coaching, so that she can use the lessons of coaching for the rest of her life.
Lisa’s mountain is built out of her parents’ unhappy marriage, competing for attention with a brother that has a disability and her weight problem. As a child and teenager she learned a series of coping mechanisms to deal with all of this. She used piercings and tattoos as a way to reach out to others that might be more like her. She learned to react with strong and exaggerated emotion to grab attention and gain the focus from her parents when they were engrossed in the issues facing her brother. Lisa also developed what she calls “Fat Girl Syndrome,” where she made sure to be the first to make bad jokes about her weight before anyone else could.
By the age of 26, Lisa’s damage to her health and self-esteem had caused her to stumble as she entered into adulthood. She had a bad haircut, acne, and struggled to keep a job. Looking back, she now sees that she was an awkward, bumbling kid inside of a grownup body. She was depressed and the doctor confirmed that she had a health issue that could cause infertility, unless she took actions toward treatment and weight loss.
It was enough of a wake-up call to get her to at least deal with the obesity. Lisa saw a nutritionist, purged her home of junk food and joined a gym. She lost 60 pounds and, for a moment, thought she had found the cure.
However, removing excess physical baggage didn’t guarantee that all of the emotional baggage left with it. As her package got smaller she had nothing left to hide her insecurities. This realization was further complicated when she realized that looking healthy and slim caused guys to notice her. Lisa had never dated before, and wasn’t sure how to handle all this attention. It was embarrassing to have to learn all of this so much later in life than her peers. In fact, she soon began to realize that there was a lot she hadn’t allowed herself to learn because she had put up so many barriers for the previous 15 years of her life.
Lisa had wandered through the fog of coming into adulthood late, alone and unprepared, (and still struggling professionally), when she found herself in a job that wanted to provide a professional coach for her. She humbly accepted the offer to receive this wonderful gift from her employer. She even went on to hire her coach to work with her on her personal life as well. Now at age 30, Lisa is most grateful to have experienced coaching, so that she can use the lessons of coaching for the rest of her life.
What has Lisa gained from coaching? First of all, she feels relief for the ability to let go. Coaching empowered her to accept what has brought her to today and let go of what she'll never have -- and be ok with it. She will never have what most consider a normal brother, a size two waist or parents that are happily married. She accepts these realities for what they are and not as things she needs to win.
Lisa also shared that she has also learned the powerful tool of naming. She can name the barriers she has put up in the past that have challenged her ability to grow. She can name the emotions she is feeling. This allows her to catch herself and make a conscious decision of when and where is appropriate to go through the riptide of emotions that swell up inside. In the past, she would stuff these emotions down further until she was so full that she would burp them up without being able to control herself. She now realizes, if she can name them, she can address them as if they are in the room. For example, "Thank you, anger, for showing me that there is injustice. But now is not the time to be angry. Now is the time to take action."
Lastly, Lisa understands that she doesn’t need to look to others for soothing and validation. Lisa can self-soothe, comfort herself in hard times, like an adult instead of like a child who needs to turn outward to be told, "It's going to be ok." Lisa can now spend the energy that she would typically use to seek validation to take an extra moment, judge her own work or behavior, and give herself a pat on the back and determine that her work or thought is right or good. She doesn’t need to check in with anyone else but herself to feel validated.
Lisa says that the biggest win for her was surrendering and allowing herself to be coached. Her employer was invested enough in her to see that she needed help and provided a coach for Lisa, and she graciously took that help. Coaching allowed Lisa to name the mountain she faced and understand how to reach its summit. From that elevated perspective, life has never looked the same.
Congratulations to Lisa and all of the reasons she has to win!
Lisa also shared that she has also learned the powerful tool of naming. She can name the barriers she has put up in the past that have challenged her ability to grow. She can name the emotions she is feeling. This allows her to catch herself and make a conscious decision of when and where is appropriate to go through the riptide of emotions that swell up inside. In the past, she would stuff these emotions down further until she was so full that she would burp them up without being able to control herself. She now realizes, if she can name them, she can address them as if they are in the room. For example, "Thank you, anger, for showing me that there is injustice. But now is not the time to be angry. Now is the time to take action."
Lastly, Lisa understands that she doesn’t need to look to others for soothing and validation. Lisa can self-soothe, comfort herself in hard times, like an adult instead of like a child who needs to turn outward to be told, "It's going to be ok." Lisa can now spend the energy that she would typically use to seek validation to take an extra moment, judge her own work or behavior, and give herself a pat on the back and determine that her work or thought is right or good. She doesn’t need to check in with anyone else but herself to feel validated.
Lisa says that the biggest win for her was surrendering and allowing herself to be coached. Her employer was invested enough in her to see that she needed help and provided a coach for Lisa, and she graciously took that help. Coaching allowed Lisa to name the mountain she faced and understand how to reach its summit. From that elevated perspective, life has never looked the same.
Congratulations to Lisa and all of the reasons she has to win!
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